dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
did i just pee glitter
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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