I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
