I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
