do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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