I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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