you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
