I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
