thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
