Someone shit on the floor
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
