There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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