why didn't you poke me back
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
a search helicopter?!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think your dad took our porno
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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