): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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