dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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