I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
