My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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