Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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