she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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