My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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