Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
