just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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