I heard we made out
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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