I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's great music for shaving your balls
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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