I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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