if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
