Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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