His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
