More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize