Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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