Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
