Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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