WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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