I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
