Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
