when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
