I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Say something about gay babies.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
