Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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