shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
