she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
