Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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