As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
