Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
