he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
