I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
