he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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