he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
