I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
