Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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