you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize