i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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