He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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