he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
