I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
