I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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