So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
