Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
