yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
