SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
