I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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