I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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