That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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