I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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