I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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