I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
