No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
