I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
