I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
