This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
