i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
