his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
