There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize