can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize