Kiss
Puke
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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